Long Hair, Hair Loss & Being Overweight – How not to Look Like that Comic Book Guy

Last updated on May 7th, 2013 at 01:40 pm

Y’all know who I’m talking about. That geeky guy in his 40s from The Simpsons who is out of shape and ties his balding hair into a ponytail. If you are into The Simpsons as much as I do, you’d know that the man is not much of a Casanova with the women.

The Comic Book Guy is a fat long haired male

And his lack of success with the ladies is no surprise: being out of shape and having long hair if you are balding is a big No No when it comes to attracting chicks. Now, I’m purely talking about what women like, for I’m also a geek/nerd (well, more like a hair connoisseur, nom’ sayin?) and I have also been out of shape and had long hair. Not all of us can always look like modern, sexy Tarzans, so having long hair as an out of shape or balding dude is a perfectly acceptable personal decision. No problems there. However, if you’re into having the best-looking hair that you can have and also want to optimize it so that you can improve your image, then looking like that Comic Book Guy is the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot.

In my best-selling book, The Curly Hair Book: Or How Men Can Now Rock Their Waves Coils And Kinks, I talk about being realistic about what hairstyles will suit you. Brad Pitt may look awesome with long hair, but you may not have his facial good looks or his body, thus long hair may not be a good style option for you. Ergo, I want to help you to not become another Comic Book Guy and have women whispering in their girlfriends’ ears how much you resemble that long-haired dude from Lost.

A balding head and long hair don’t go together

Seriously, they don’t. I know long hair is uber cool and that you get to make a personal connection with your hair once you grow it long, but, if you’re interested in attracting the opposite sex, then long hair is possibly the worst follicular option you could choose if you’re balding. From my conversations with plenty of women, you can still pull long hair up to a Norwood III. In my book, The Men’s Hair Book: A Male’s Guide To Hair Care, Hair Styles, Hair Grooming, Hair Products and Rocking It All Without The Baloney, I extensively cover male pattern baldness (i.e. male balding) and the Norwood stages, but, in a nutshell, Norwood III and beyond equate the forming of bald patches on the top of your hair too big to hide with long hair. Avoid long hair at all costs if you are over a Norwood III.

What’s worse is that hiding your hair loss by means of growing your hair screams insecurity and low self-esteem. Women run away from males lacking in self-confidence, so you are doing yourself a big disservice if you’re growing your locks to simply conceal your extensive balding. Trim that mane and either get on minoxidil and/or finasteride, or embrace your balding and “pull a Vin Diesel” as I call it in The Men’s Hair Book: start going to the gym and build yourself a good-looking body through exercise and a good diet. Men who have “pulled a Vin Diesel” include Vin Diesel himself, The Rock, Jason Statham and Bruce Willis.

Jason Statham showing a toned body and a balding headYou can rest assured that women don’t give a crap about his hair loss!

An out of shape body and long hair don’t go together

Luscious dangling locks are a favourite of women if the male pairs his long hair with a Tarzan-esque body, full stop. If you are jiggly all over the place, then your long hair will actually magnify your unattractive body, as women will then see you as a male who doesn’t care about his image. Sad but true; yo may have the most-awesome long hair, but being out of shape will really impair your overall image and have ladies overlook the efforts you’ve put into your hair.

Many women have confessed to me that a male with long hair and washboard abs is sexier than a male with short hair and washboard abs. This, in itself, is enough reason to start working on your body and get yourself a six pack. As superficial as it may sound, if all you want is to hook up with hot women, you better have the physique (including the hair) to go with it; that, or have a very big.. ehem… big wallet. Your choice.

Hugo Hurley from lost showing that a fat male with long hair is not attractive to womenBeing overweight while having long hair doesn’t work very well for one’s bachelor life

Long hair is truly a double-edged sword, for it will magnify the rest of your physique: if you have a great-looking body, you’ll look even greater but, if you have an out-of-shape body, you’ll look worse. Same goes for going bald, long hair will not help at all. Of course, and as I have said at the beginning of this article, all of this only matters if you want to make the most of your bachelor life. If you don’t give a crap about looking your best (and you’re certainly in your right to think like that), then grow your hair as long as you want, forget about any resemblance with the Comic Book Guy and enjoy your life, my friend. Life’s too short to be worrying about what others think anyway!

All the best.


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1 comment for “Long Hair, Hair Loss & Being Overweight – How not to Look Like that Comic Book Guy

  1. John
    July 27, 2014 at 4:24 am

    I’ve had long hair since third grade, when I decided I looked stupid with short hair (true, but in third grade, long hair didn’t help either). The problem with long hair for looks is it takes time. I only started looking good with mine when it was about half-way down my back. Now I pull it back and it really helps. While I’ve never been overweight, everything you say about girls loving it is true. Girls I don’t know will tell me they love my hair. An instant conversation starter. Guys ask too. Having long hair is like a club, you get a nod and respect if I know you or not.

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